For the First Time

For the first time ever, I don't want you, Sugar.
For the first time ever, I don't need you...
For the first time ever, I don't wake up thinking of you...
For the first time ever, I can carry a tune without you on my lips...
For the first time ever, I can say goodbye. See you, dear. Ridiculous to cry.

Sugar, your hold is tight, but your grasp is losing its strength. You, dear Sugar, are no longer an impulse, but a fleeting thought, a calculation.

Over and out.

So, I thought you had a hold on me...

Sugar, baby!

We certainly had a row and it is still a close battle yet with you on top and me on bottom, struggling, gasping, tempting. Then, I am on top and you are on bottom, shamelessly teasing me- placing yourself is such a way as to be seen, to be felt, to be smelled and finally-hopefully- tasted.

I still have my strength. And, you, sugar-baby, are still in the pile.

Been a bit, no?

So, it is now March 2010. I am still estranged from the sweet, chocolately goodness of all things good.

I have learned a few things:

1. Sugar is not necessary for hot chocolate. All you need is a blender.
2. Soured yougurt (keifer) is still good to drink or eat.
3. Almonds are incredibly sweet.
4. Grapes are much, much too sweet.
5. Bread can, if not careful, 'replace' sugar.
6. I am cranky when I am hungry.

I can afford a few things, too:

1. I go to the beautician every week.
2. I am repaying student loans. Thanks, IBR!!
3. I am paying a car note.
4. I am paying twice as much for my gym membership.

So, Sugar's exit is bittersweet. I miss it, but I don't miss the hold it has had on me for so many years; my waist doesn't miss the inches.

That said, secretly, pathetically, pitifully, I still miss sugar, very much. More than that, I am tempted, everyday, every gotdamned day, to end our estrangement. So far, I am unfailingly faithful to 2010.

Over and out.

Forty-one minutes and a bowl of menudo

It is never a good idea to eat Mexican food before an important event. Never. In fact, it seems to me, that Mexican food is essentially food poisoning waiting-no- primed, to happen.

This would never happen, if, instead, you ate sugar. Now, sugar will never let you down: it would never give you 'the runs' before you run, burn your stomach until it feels as if you are on a sinking boat: Mexican food? Yes. Sugar? Not a chance.

I ran with menudo and it took me forty-one minutes to complete 3.2 miles. I am no speed demon, but without a menudo-belly; I am decent.

You see, prior to January 01, 2010, sugar would propel me to be the best, always cheering me on, filling up my blood with its special goodness. Not menudo, not Mexican food. Sugar.

I wish I could have shared this event with sugar. Those horrible forty-one minutes. Oh, but to have run with sugar!

Over and out.

I miss you, Shugga (sugar)

Today was a bad day. I thought about and longed for sugar all day long. I became agitated, irritable, restive, pensive. What do I miss?

I miss the affect that sugar has on me, its influence. How safe it feels to know that its around: in the refrigerator, in the bed, in my tea, in my cocoa. I really miss it.

I miss feeling it and the way it takes over any situation and makes everything better or bearable. Yes, the quiet strength of sucrose!! But to me, a longtime lover, it was shugga.

Returning to sugar would be like returning to a comfortable bed, rain outside the window, fan gently blowing, everything aglow. I miss it. I feel the ache of its absence everyday. What is my recourse? The only option would assail my pride.

Like a prayer, Pepsi, cakes, cookies and candies. Like a vengeful, angry, abandoned deity: no answer.

Over and out.

Secrets and tricks to the trade

When eating a soft pear, quickly drink water after a few bites: It will taste like sugar water. I loved sugar water.

When eating a blackberry, press the berry delicately to the roof of your mouth, and slide your tongue slowly over the berry: It will have the same texture as a Hershey's milk chocolate bar. My love for Hershey's milk chocolate will not be moved!

Never go a day without fruit, any fruit and loads of water: This is necessary to control cravings and pangs. Sometimes, the pangs are sweet.

Never 'accidentally' smell a Hershey's milk chocolate bar: You are inviting trouble. In fact, just avoid the candy aisles at Walgreen's all together. I loved picking candy from Walgreen's shelves.

Most importantly: If you are tempted, strongly, utterly and beautifully tempted- LEAVE.

We learned this from the biblical Joseph, no? The wife of the king attempts to seduce him and he leaves-RUNS! We know how that story ended, so don't make a mistake and leave your wallet or any other article that calls you back to that aisle.

The Bible.

Over and out.

Thursday night was very, very cold. For the past week, the local television news prepared the viewing area for a significant drop in temperature. Of course, I am too cheap to buy a coat or fix my car window. I have funds available for both. I am an Ebenezer (as in Scrooge, not the biblical Ebenezer).

Well, I drive to the park, because parking is free, and ride the rail to the library. Understand, a library is warm, safe and impervious to harm and distraction-a womb. After spending a few hours, it happens:

I want candy. I will settle for cashews,walnuts, even pecans- anything, dammit! So, I am in the thick of cellular respiration and all I can think is NADH, walnuts, cytochrome c, walnuts are sweet... I am itchy and restless.